Archive for May, 2012

Last night I was lying in bed and feeling quite angry.  In fact it was way too much anger and I didn’t feel quite like myself.  Try as I might I couldn’t release that anger which felt as if it came from a very deep place.  I do know that I have an angry splinter alter.  She does overshadow me at times and when that happens, relief is far from sight.  I asked for help from friends in high places (spirit, angels, higher beings, whatever) as well.  Not too much time passed when I felt as if something or someone pulled something (or someone) out of me.  It was quite a jolt.  I felt instantly relieved and the anger subsided.  I also know that was one layer.  So, if one asks and is sincere about it, one will get.  I am thankful to whoever or whatever helped me.  I also realize that I still have a long way to go in healing.  It always is a bit at a time or the cure could be worse than the condition.

Back in ’93/’94, I thought I had a dream one night.  At least it started out as a dream.  I have reason to believe that it came about as a result of my intense wondering what my part in the Montauk Project was.

In it, I saw a young man with brown hair in the Montauk underground.  He got sucked up into a portal and was lost in a place that was in between places.  He panicked, cried for help, and grabbed me trying to pull himself out.  Instead, I was pulled in with him.  Then, like the Cameron brothers, we merged.  I lost my identity in him.  I actually thought his thoughts and felt his feelings.  We were scared and getting angry since we believed that we were forgotten and left there.  We drifted between what appeared to be worlds encased in bubbles.  We couldn’t touch any of them or anything at all.  There were no living things except us.  We couldn’t tell how long we were there for.  Now, in the middle of this happening I woke up from my sleep.  Only, I was still in this “dream”.  It lasted for a while and then I was back as myself, except I couldn’t remember who I was.  I still thought I was him since I was merged with him so thoroughly.  I only could remember to call in to work sick that day.  And it did take that whole day to bring myself completely back.

A few months later, there was a presentation on The Montauk Project being given in Atlanta, Ga by Preston Nichols and Al Bialeck.  I’m not sure if Duncan Cameron was there or not.  Attending this event was a man that later turned out to be a Montauk Boy.  He even got himself deprogrammed completely and recovered just about all of his memories in regards to the project.  They got this story from him.  In the Montauk underground, a portal accidentally opened up and sucked him through it.  He got lost in the place between worlds that they called “infinite time” (if there is even such a thing or “place”).  He was stuck there for a while as they attempted to get him back out, which eventually they did.

I got to see a second video on the Montauk Project that Preston made.  This Montauk Boy was also in it.  He was the exact same guy that I remembered earlier.  He was also troubled as he now was burdened with his memories of that time and place as well as being bombarded with EMF where he lived.  Unfortunately I never had a chance to speak with him and find out his side of the event.  He had to be checked into the hospital for some reason which was supposedly minor.  He came out in a body bag.  We were told it was suicide through overdose of meds that he stole at the hospital.  Preston related that the scientists still associated with the project were in a panic since he was considered to be like the Cameron brothers which were/are an anchor for the current time loop.  Now, the zero time equivalent was covered in the original Montauk Project story with the original Cameron brothers (in present time being Duncan Cameron and the late Al Bialeck) being oriented to zero time.  This seems to be just the equal but opposite side to this, perhaps.  So it was thought by the ones who were running this project that if they died there would be a large paradox in the time line (loop) or, in other words, the game would be raided from the “controllers”.  They wanted to get his soul back into a body ASAP.  Well, that didn’t happen and his spirit got away.  At least that was good news.   Also the paradox that they were afraid of occurring never happened.  Either the theory was just that a theory or there is another in his place.  Hmmm.

In the last radio interview the host made a startling revelation to those listening.  Actually, I had a conversation with her prior to the interview.  She had already told me a smidgen of it.

If you got to listen to it, you may already know.   I will recap for those of you who didn’t hear it yet.  She revealed that she has memories of seeing me in her past.  Not the me of that time or the me of now, but an older me (about 10 to 20 years older).  This was on  three separate occasions mainly in Chicago and Louisville,Ky (1999 and 2000/2001).  One might have been at the same time that I was at the Louisville airport when I was younger as well.  She remembered  details of how I was dressed (purple shawl) and my hair which was dark with grey in it (I call it bad dye job).  Also she told of my demeanor.  Future (or past) me had the look of someone on a mission.  She (I) also made myself quite visible to her as if on purpose.  On at least one occasion I walked past her and stared at her.  This makes me think of the behavior of the Men in Black.  We had a further conversation on the phone which triggered another memory of  seeing me even further in her past in a bar.  That is where I walked past (this time wearing a blue shawl and some odd thing around my neck) and was looking at her.

One time, I would consider the possibility of mistaken identity.  Two times is “maybe she saw something”. Three times seems to start to synch the reality of it.  And four times, well, that is even more of a convincer.  It may mean that I live to a ripe old age and become a time traveling senior citizen.  Or something else like a parallel reality or even an older doppleganger.  Eventually I may know the answer to this since the future is inevitable.

In this day and age, such a thing could be reassuring since I have been finding my continued existence in doubt.

This happened in 1990.  One night, when I was still living with my parents, I had an incident with my mother.  I was trying to share the bathroom sink with her.  She kept nudging me and pushing me to the side.  Lying in bed after that I was seething with anger.  I felt like I wanted to kill her.  I was lying there for only a few moments (hardly enough time to fall asleep) when I saw a portal open up in the ceiling above me.  Then, I felt myself get sucked up into it.  I was hurtling through a tunnel quite fast towards some unknown destination.  I then saw a window on the destination side.  Through it I saw what appeared to be a ruined world.  The sky looked like it was burning with smoke all over.  There was the rubble of a former city.  In it I saw a man running away from a group of zombie like (like Night of the Living Dead) people.  They caught him and tore him to pieces.  In the foreground I saw what seemed like my frightened looking mother with these small reptile like beings holding an arm on either side.  These beings were not more than 4  ft tall.  They had large pointy ears and a tail.  They were telling me to enter their world in exchange for them tearing her apart.  I thought that revenge wasn’t worth the price.  I knew that  if I entered that world I would either go insane or die.  I called upon my friends in high places. I called upon the angels, the archangels, the avatars, guides, etc.  At that moment, I felt them come to me.  My forward momentum halted.  Then, I felt myself reverse direction and speed the other way.  I fell  back out of the ceiling portal into my bed with a thunk.  I saw a large menacing demonic face come out of the portal.  It was like something out of the movie “Poltergeist”.  I held back feeling any fear since I knew that fear would empower it.  I held up my hands and visualized shooting white light our of them at the face.  It vanished and the portal closed.  I fell back in bed trembling.  I felt the fear that I was keeping down.  I stayed awake all night.  I was just too wary of closing my eyes for fear of another similar incident.  Shortly thereafter, I put myself in therapy.

Now here’s where it gets interesting.  There was once a woman named Ann Johnson.  She used to make these miraculously energized waters that she claimed was made under the direction of the Pleaidians.  She was actually studied in a lab and the results were off the charts.  She also did hypnotic regression for abductees.  She also had a newsletter back in the 90s.  There was an article in it about one of the abductees that she regressed in Texas.  It claimed that a young man recalled being abducted by reptilian type beings.  They placed an implant in his heart.  He also had a similar experience to the one I just wrote about above.  He also went through a  portal in the ceiling of his room and was traveling through a tunnel.  At the end of it was a world that was the same as the one that I just wrote about.  It was a word for word description.  Even the beings he described were identical.  There was even an illustration of them which was exactly the same.  The only discrepancy was  that my mother wasn’t there.  Somehow he managed to escape as well.

Also, back in the 90s I went to a UFO conference on Long Island.  Eve Lorgen was one of the speakers.  She told the audience about how  beings termed “little Godzillas” would come though a portal in people’s ceilings.  Very interesting.

So, an experience that I might’ve chalked up to some sort of mental derangement may not be so.  This might actually have happened to some extent.  It may not have necessarily been physical.  It could’ve been on the astral or etheric level.  The only problem with that is my state of consciousness at the time.  Shortly after it began, I was wide awake since it was a jolt to my system.  If it was a dream, hypnagogic, astral, or etheric, it is more than likely that I would’ve snapped out of it when I woke up.  Of course, temporary insanity was also considered since I did put myself into therapy.  This was also before I got re-acquainted with The Montauk Project.  And the jury is still out on this one.

Delta T Antenna

Originally, I was invited to go to a Montauk Night to speak.  I didn’t feel too cool about that, so I asked to just attend.  This was in early April 1993.  When I attempted  to drive from the other side of the Hudson river to Long Island a snow storm started and quickly turned to whiteout blizzard conditions.    I can say that I definitely did not make it to Long Island that night.

But, the second time I got an invite from Preston Nichols to visit him at his lab in East Islip, NY.  (It also turned out that Preston was the crazy Preston that I heard about from a friend of mine back in the mid ’80s from a mutual friend).  This time I made it to Long Island.  I stopped first at Peter Moon’s house since he was to bring me over to Preston’s.

We made it to Preston’s house with no problem.  I could tell which one was his since the Delta T (octahedral shaped) antenna was over a building in the back of the yard.   The area had an interesting energy to it.   When we entered the back building, I saw Preston talking to a couple of people.  While talking to them I noticed him looking over at me with curiosity.  After they left, he asked me if I wanted to take a tour of the place.  Of course I said yes.  It mainly consisted of the front room and the back room where he had old radio equipment especially the alleged Tesla designed radio used in the Montauk Project.  Well, the circuitry sure did looked like art to me since it was laid out in spiral patterns.  I even called it a museum to which he replied that that’s what he called it “The Museum”.

I got to view the first video he took out at Camp Hero and he even gave me a copy.  He asked me if I wanted to try out the “Montauk Boys” music.  I was curious so I said yes.  He pulled out a comfy chair which was directly under the Delta T antenna and asked me to sit down in it.  Peter was behind me and Preston was in front of me.  I sat down and waited.  I recall that the first song played was Blondie’s “Heart of Glass”.  The only thing that I felt was the urge to dance I told them.  But, after that other songs from classical to rock were played in succession.  At that second song, I found that I couldn’t move or open my eyes.  This was not a voluntary condition.  I started to feel scared as hell.  There was one point when the theme from Swan Lake (Boston Pops version) was playing.  My hands felt as if they were being electrified.  I could hear Preston excitedly tell Peter to look at my hands.  Also, during another song, I tried to get out of the chair, but could only flop back  helplessly in it.  Finally, the music ended and Preston and Peter helped to bring me back out of my trance state.   Preston then told me that pretty much that it seemed that I had the same programming (chair, LSD experiments, Camp Hero  cross point signature frequency, etc) as the Montauk boys.  He even called me a time traveler since he saw my hands fading out during Swan Lake which was used for time travel preparation.  The other indicator was that the sound system which was specially set up for this registered a feed back into it.  He was puzzled though since he claimed that he didn’t remember me.  (Yet, boy did he stare)

The possibility that the whole Montauk involvement was/is real made for a great deal of distress for me.  Also, being left hanging with an “Oh  and by the way, you’re most likely a programmed time traveling psychic drug tripping mind controlled operative type”  (not the exact words) still feels like it sucks rocks.  It feels weird and can play hell at any “normal” life.  So, any wannabes out there, don’t do or wish it.  You’ll be very sorry.  Well, at least I had some support at that time.  Thanks to my friends then.

Today On May Day

It’s May Day and the living is not easy.  On the eve of this 1st day of May, sleep was hard won.  It got to be such that my insides felt as if major surgery had been performed there.  This was going on for hours with no letup except for the added feeling of being on the edge of wretching my guts out.  Sleep finally came upon me with vivid nightmares to follow. So, not a good time being  had by this Montauk girl.

May Day eve is reportedly one of the most triggering times for a set up multiple since Satanic like ceremonies are performed at this time.  I have read about this from other mind control abuse survivors.

Well, that’s it,  just a brief report for now.



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